


Meet the Parents

by zumvio0807



Category: Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-19
Updated: 2016-05-14
Packaged: 2018-06-03 07:43:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6602545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zumvio0807/pseuds/zumvio0807
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rebecca and Greg meet each other's parents.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Greg's Dad

**Author's Note:**

> Ideally there will be 4 chapters. I have ideas for 3 so far. This is in continuity with everything through S1E16. So no lying to Paula and no Josh craziness.

After getting filthy in the Home Base stockroom they had gone to her place and barely made it up the stairs before starting round two.  Rebecca had been exhausted the next morning but she managed to go into work, mostly just to allow Greg time to finish his essay.  She got very little work done between online lingerie shopping and email conversations with Greg about his essay.  She finally left work at 4:30, after she had read and approved the final draft.  She thought it was really good.  

 

That night they christened half the flat surfaces in her apartment and the shower.  On Friday she called in sick to work in order to get to the other half. Rebecca got a short break to do laundry and shave her legs on Friday evening when Greg went to class. Saturday, Greg went to work and she sat at the bar and and pretended to work while sending him sexually explicit texts.  

 

Things did slow down a little bit on Sunday.  They didn’t leave the house or get dressed (except for when Rebecca put on sweats to pay the pizza delivery guy).  Their previous frantic pace of copulation was replaced by a slower, calmer experience, with occasional orgasms.  They chatted on the floor of her bedroom.  They talked about sex and then about exes and then about high school and college.  They talked about parents and work.  They talked about politics and art and movies.  Greg agreed that it was weird that no one at her office had seen Chinatown.  

 

In the end, their “three day sex fest” ended after five days. On Monday they both had to go to work and then Greg had class.  He was supposed to come straight to Rebecca’s after but something came up.  He called her as he was walking to his car. “I have to go home and give my dad’s birds their medicine.  He’s at a poker game all night.”  

 

“What kind of medicine do you have to give birds?”  Rebecca was little put out, she had on a very uncomfortable thong and bra combo.  

 

“They have seizures, it’s…… listen if I don’t give them the medicine they will die and my dad will be pissed.  I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

 

“No, come pick me up.”  Rebecca was intrigued. “I’ve never been to your place.  I want to see where you came from.”

 

Fifteen minutes later Rebecca had changed into jeans and a blouse was waiting for Greg when he pulled up.  “Are the birds just flying around your house, because animals hate me.  They will attack me.”

 

Greg chuckled, “No, when no one is home Dad puts them in a cage. But ….” He looked a little nervous. “Don’t get your hopes up, okay? It’s just me and my dad so……”

 

“I’ve seen bachelor pads before. How bad can it be?”  

 

“Well, we have birds that crap in the shower.”  

 

As it turned out, Rebecca thought the birds were kind of cute, when they were in their cage.  Greg begrudgingly showed her his room.  She threatened to steal his little league picture “You were so adorable. Look at little baby Greg!” 

 

When he started taking things out of his bag she remembered, “Hey, did you get your essay back?”

 

Greg turned around with a smug look on his face. “Yes, yes I did.” He pick up a few pieces of stapled paper and held them to his chest.

 

“Well?!?”  Rebecca tried to grab the paper but he grabbed her hands.  

 

“This is private, maybe I don’t want to share.” He teased. 

 

“I helped you on that.” She halfheartedly struggled.

 

“What if I got an F? Won’t you feel bad?”

 

“You didn’t get an F!”

 

Finally, he relinquished the essay.  

 

Rebecca read the writing in red ink. “98/100 GREAT WORK, MR. SERRANO.  GOOD IDEAS AND ANALYSIS.”  She scanned the rest of the essay. “She took off two points for excluding the url in the citation?! You would never include the url if it was also a published work!  You should tell her -”

 

“Hey! Where’s my attaboy?”  Greg interrupted her rant.  

 

Rebecca smiled and then sat down on his bed.  “Oh, I got your attaboy right here, Mr Serrano.”  She was giving him her best come hither look. 

 

That was how they found themselves naked and out of breath in the bedroom he had lived in all his life.  

 

_ *Am I having a stroke?  Is this what a stroke feels like?* _ Rebecca could hardly breathe her heart was racing so fast.  She was also having trouble focusing her eyes.  

 

“yeah!” Greg’s exclamation snapped her out of her thoughts for a moment. “That……..was…...yeah …….right?”  He was trying to catch his own breath.

 

“Yeah!”  Rebecca’s brain was starting to reboot.  

 

Finally, after a few more minutes of heavy breathing Rebecca broke the silence.  “I’m going to use your bathroom.” Rebecca sat up. 

 

Greg jumped out of bed at that. “So, I told you about the birds and the shower, right?”  He grabbed his clothes and pulled them on. “Just give me a few minutes to make sure the bathroom is, well, just okay.” Greg left the bedroom.

 

After a minute Rebecca decided to get a glass of water.  First she swiped Greg’s flannel off the floor. She buttoned the three bottom buttons and checked how it looked in the mirror.   _ Yes, hello, sexy cleavage and belly button. _  As she made her way to the kitchen and found the cupboard with the glasses she sang to herself. * _ It’s the sexy getting water song, the sexy getting water song.* _

 

“Do you want a glass of water?” She shouted.

 

“Um.. yeah, that’d be great, the brita is in the fridge.”  Greg replied from the bathroom where she could hear some pretty vigorous scrubbing.  She opened the fridge, filled two glasses and then proceeded to take inventory of the fridge while sipping her water and step-touching to the song in her head * _ Body rolls are really hard!* _  The fridge was a little barren,  _ Take-out box, pizza box, looks like some kind of pasta,  _ She bent over to see what was on the bottom,  _ very sad apple, maybe _ .  

 

“I can make you something if you’re hungry.” 

 

Rebecca jumped and dropped her glass and then slipped on the water.  Flat on her back, on the linoleum, she could see an older gentleman over the kitchen island.  “Sweetheart, are you okay?”

 

Greg quickly emerged from the bathroom. “What the hell?”  He looked at the barely dressed Rebecca and then at the man. “Dad?! I thought you were at Sam’s poker game for the night?”

 

“I was, and I will be again but I forgot the penne. I was just meeting your lovely, lady friend.”  Mr. Serrano was grinning at both Greg and Rebecca. 

 

At this moment Rebecca realized that her calf was throbbing.  When she moved it, she left a thick  smear of blood on the floor. The glass had broken and a large piece had sliced her lower leg. “Oh,” She said staring at the blood on the floor.

 

“God damn it!” Greg knelt down beside her “Shit, shit, just stay right there.”  He got up and ran back to the bathroom. 

 

“She can’t stay sitting on floor.” Mr. Serrano yelled after him as he moved to help Rebecca. “Be careful, sweetheart, there may be some other shards.”  He guided her over to the table while she tried to make sure her boobs didn’t fall out of Greg’s shirt.  

 

Greg soon appeared with a first-aid kit.  He pulled out some gauze, disinfectant and a bandage.  He began to soak up the blood gushing from her leg.  

 

“This kind of deep.” He started to apply pressure to her leg and Rebecca flinched.

 

“I think you should take her to the emergency room.”  Mr. Serrano said, concerned.  

 

All Rebecca could think about was the fact that she was bleeding all over Greg’s floor and that her labia was touching one of his kitchen chairs, all in front of his father.  

 

The gauze was completely soaked through now. “Okay, Okay! Let’s just get you in the car.”

 

“I need to put clothes on!”  Rebecca nearly shrieked.

 

“Fine, but do it quick.” Greg said in an annoyed tone. 

 

Without thinking Rebecca tried to get up to go to the bedroom before Greg pushed her back down on the chair.  “No, I will bring you your clothes.”  He quickly disappeared into his bedroom and returned with her bra, her blouse, her underwear, and some basketball shorts with a drawstring. “You can’t wear your skinny jeans, they will have to cut them off of you and the blood will ruin them.”  

 

Rebecca must have had a horrified look on her face when he unceremoniously dropped the pile of clothes on her lap because Mr. Serrano quickly excused himself with “I need the broom and the mop, from the garage.  It might take me a long time to find them.”  He started walking towards the garage and then said “Yell, when you leave.”

 

Rebecca scowled at Greg as she put on there bra and top.  “This isn’t my fault.” He held her up as she put on her underwear and his shorts.” 

 

“I think your dad saw…...everything.  I think your dad knows what my nipples looks like!”  

 

Four hours and six stitches later, a little past 1:00 AM, Greg pulled up to Rebecca’s house.  “Hold on, let me help you.”  Rebecca started to get out of the car the moment he stopped.

 

“No, thank you. I am fine.”

 

“You can’t make it up the stairs on your own!”  

 

“I will sleep on the couch!” She slammed the car door and then limped to her door.  She had never been so humiliated in her entire life, which was saying something.

 

The next morning she called into work to explain the situation.  She planned on just working from home.  About two she heard a knock on the door.  “Paula, really I’m fine!”

 

“It’s not Paula.”  Greg shouted from outside.

 

“I’m fine!”

 

“I believe you.  Can I come in?”

 

“Fine!”

 

Greg appeared with a heavy looking bag in one hand and a pair of crutches in the other. “I brought some things you might need.”

 

Rebecca didn’t look at him.  “Fine, thank you.”

 

Greg continued undeterred, “There are some gauze and antiseptic to change your bandages,”  He put the items on the kitchen table, “Some crutches, obviously,” He leaned them against the wall.  “I can adjust them for you before I go.”

 

Rebecca continued to stare at her legs, outstretched on the couch.

 

“I have your jeans, Aaaaaaaand, my dad Made you a lasagna.  It’s still warm and delicious if you want some now?”  Greg opened the lid and Rebecca’s living room was filled with the smell of fresh lasagna.  

 

“That would be nice, thank you.”  Rebecca hadn’t eaten anything since before her accident since, it was so difficult to get around.  She had actually only made it to the toilet once and it had been harrowing.  

 

“Also, my dad sent a card.”  Greg dropped a small, sealed envelope in her lap.

 

“Um, okay.”  She couldn’t imagine what his father had to say to her except, maybe, ‘nice tits, you slut.’  She opened the envelope and began to read the card.

 

_ Dear Rebecca, _

_ I am so sorry that I startled you yesterday.  I don’t think either of us wanted to meet that way.  Still, I am glad we did meet.  Greg has been so happy the last few weeks and now I know why.  He speaks very highly of you and from what he has told me you are a wonderful girl.  I hope we get the opportunity to get to know eachother better.  Please enjoy the lasagna, Greg assured me that you weren’t one of those girls who doesn’t eat.  He’s a lucky guy. _

 

_ Love,  _

_ Marco Serrano  _

 

Rebecca started to tear up a little bit.  “Did you read this?”

 

“No, why?”  Greg started toward her. “What did he say?” 

 

“Nothing!” She put the card into here shirt. “Can you help me upstairs? I really want to go to the bathroom.”

 

Greg smiled at her and then reached out to help her up. “Sure, then we can eat.  I told Kevin, I might be back from lunch a little late.” 

  
As Greg helped her up the stairs Rebecca though that it might be nice to get to know Greg’s dad too.  


	2. Rebecca's Mother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Greg meets Rebecca's Mother.

“But the software won’t update!” Rebecca was standing over Greg’s shoulder trying to point to her phone which he was currently holding. They had both recently upgraded to the new Iphones and she was having some issues.

“Are you connected to wifi?”

“Yes, I’m not an idiot. I just need you to make it update!”

“God, you are such a grandma when it comes to technology. Just let me work on it.” He swatted her hand away. 

“Fine, I’m gonna take a shower.” Rebecca started to head upstairs but stopped short. “Thank you for fixing my phone.” She kissed him on the cheek.

Greg didn’t react but she knew that he loved feeling tech savvy and masculine. She probably could have googled the problem but this way he got to feel like she needed him. 

After Rebecca disappeared upstairs he pulled out his phone and googled “Iphone 7 won’t update to iOS 10.0”. He quickly found an article that said this was a problem a lot of folks were having. 

He opened her settings to check the amount of free memory. She had 80 MB free. He then checked his own settings to see if he had infact updated; he had and he had 4 GB of free memory. “How does she use so much memory?” 

He clicked on “Usage”. She had so many Apps but by far the biggest memory hog was photos. He was going to have to delete some in order to update the software. He opened her photos and began to scroll through them. She had a lot of random stuff, squirrel, nail polish bottle, Cheez-Its box, what appeared to be the odometer in her car. But most of the pictures were of them together, them on the beach, them out to dinner, them at a Dodgers game, them at a party. There were also a lot of him alone, him making a face, him mixing drinks at Home Base, him reading a textbook on her sofa, him taking notes at her table, him cooking. He felt a lump rise in his throat for a moment before he swallowed it. 

Scrolling through the pictures he found one she had taken of them at Raging Waters. Her hair is wet and she isn’t wearing any makeup. She is smiling at the camera and he is cupping her face with one hand as he kisses her cheek. He wants this picture; he wants to be able to look at it whenever the mood strikes him. He wants to blow it up and put it on his bedroom ceiling at his house. He texts the image to himself but it doesn’t go through. He is going back and forth between his phone and hers when he gets a call from ‘Mom’. 

As he is answering he has the thought. I thought mom was in my phone as ‘Shauna’. “Hi Mom!”

There is a beat and then, “Who the hell is this?” He answered Rebecca’s phone! He was talking to her mother!

“Ohhh, um.”

“What have you done with my daughter?!” 

“Ma’am, ma’am, Mrs. Bunch. This is Rebecca’s friend, I was fixing her phone and I answered it by mistake.”

“I don’t believe you, put her on the phone.” 

“I’m sorry, she is in the shower,” He mentally punched himself as soon as he said it. “She can’t come to the phone right now.”

“I am going to call the police and have them track this phone!”

“I will have her call you as soon as she can. Nice chatting with you. Bye!” He ended the call. “Damn it!”

When he tells Rebecca what happened she goes into a full panic. He stays down stairs as she calls her mom. He can only make out a few words but he clearly hears the conversation end with “FINE!”

She comes down looking less terrified but not at all calm. “Sooooooo, what are you doing August sixth through eleventh?”

“What?” Greg is very confused.

“I know your summer class will be over by then but do you think you could get time off from work?” 

“Why are you asking me about taking time off? What do you want?” Greg was getting nervous.

“My mother wants to meet you. She wants you to come with me to New York in August. Do you think you can get the time off?” She said this in an overly casual way, like he had already agreed.

“I really don’t want to meet your mother.” He probably should have figured out how to say that differently but the words had already left his mouth.

“I met your father and as terrible as that was, it’s great now!” Rebecca was getting more agitated. 

“That was an accident!” Greg raised his voice. “It doesn’t matter anyway, I am not going to spend a couple hundred dollars to fly across the country!”

“I’ll pay for it.” Rebecca always got quiet when he yelled. 

“No, no you won’t. If I wanted to go to New York I would pay for it but I don’t want to go so I am not going to pay for it.” He decided that he should probably leave and began to head toward the door. 

“Please, this is important to me. The ticket would be like my birthday present to you and you going would be like your birthday present to me.” Rebecca seemed on the verge of tears.

Just then his phone buzzed. Without thinking, he pulled it out of his pocket to check it. There, on the screen, was the photo he had been trying to send to himself. There was beautiful Rebecca, smiling because he made her happy. There was him kissing her because she made him so, so happy. He let out a sigh and sat down at her table. “Okay,” his voice was much softer now, “I’ll go to New York to meet your mother.”

“Yaaaaa!” Rebecca rushed over to wrap her arms around him. “I promise, you will only have to spend a little bit of time with her and the rest of the time we will spend doing fun things in the city!”

In the end he bought his plane ticket but she started packing money into his tip jar at Home Base while he wasn’t looking. She also managed to slip eight 20 dollar bills into his wallet over the months leading up to their trip. 

Although he would never admit it, he was actually looking forward to the trip. He wasn’t looking forward to meeting Rebecca’s mother but the rest would be fun and so he managed to put that small detail out of his mind. 

It wasn’t until they were in the rental car from La Guardia to Scarsdale that he began to freak out. She was going to hate him. He knew it. Rebecca was a Harvard and Yale educated lawyer and he was a bartender attending night classes to get a business degree. This was going to be awful.

Before too long he was seated on white sofa with Naomi Bunch staring at him. Naomi had her mouth drawn up into a tight smile that looked anything but kind. Rebecca was babbling on the couch beside him.

“It wasn’t that it was a bad flight, it was that it could have been a better flight, and isn’t that even more tragic? The missed opportunity?” Rebecca had spent almost 15 minutes answering the question ‘How was your trip?”

“That’s enough.” Naomi finally said. “I want to hear about this one.” She eyed Greg up and down. “I don’t know very much about you other than you are from California, you work in a bar, you take care of your ill father, you are going to night school for a business degree and you don’t know how to behave over the telephone. Now, tell me Greg, who are you?”

He honestly had no answer to this. “That’s pretty much it.” 

“Well, what are planning to do after you finish your degree?” She crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair.   
“Um……” Greg honestly didn’t know how to answer this question. “I want to get a job.”

“Yes, I would hope so. But, my question is what kind of job?” 

“A better one.” Greg with a smirk.

Naomi turned to her daughter. “Is he joking with me, Rebecca? Did you bring this loser into my home to make me laugh?” 

“Mom……” Rebecca looked like she was going to have a stroke. 

“Mrs. Bunch, Naomi, I still have a few years before I will be done, but the school has a really good placement program. I hope do something in market analysis.” Greg was serious now.

“But you don’t have any concrete plans?” Naomi was also serious.

“Mother! ” Rebecca was losing her temper. “Can I speak to you in the kitchen?”

Rebecca got up and sprinted into the kitchen. Naomi nodded to Greg and then followed her daughter into the kitchen. 

Greg could hear them easily. 

“How could you say that? He works very hard.” Rebecca was still shouting.

“Rebecca, you bring this man all the way across the country and I can’t even ask him about his career plans?” Naomi’s voice seemed calmer than Rebecca’s but she was yelling too.

“You can ask but why do you have to sound so judgemental?” 

“Judgemental? That is a fine way to describe your mother!”

“He came here because you invited him and you are attacking him! Why can’t you just be nice?”

“Okay, fine!” Naomi burst through the door from the kitchen and march up to Greg still sitting on the couch.

“You! Have you ever hit a woman?” She put her finger right in his face.

“What? No!” Greg was offended. Did he seem like the type of guy who hits women?

“Have you ever cheated on a woman?” 

“No.” It occurred to Greg that maybe he should dress better

“You ever said something anti-semitic?” 

“No.”

“You have any credit card debt?”

“No.”

Rebecca come in after her mother and was standing behind her.

“Well then. What was all the fuss about? He’s fine. Honestly, Rebecca, the way you become so dramatic over every little thing is beyond my understanding. Let’s go to dinner.”

Greg was stunned. He felt like he had fallen out of a plane without a parachute only to land safely. Rebecca pulled him up off the couch and they drove to the restaurant. The rest of the visit required very little participation from Greg at all, as Rebecca and Naomi were quite capable of occupying each other's attention. Greg just sat quietly. All in all, it could have gone worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the next chapter will be Greg's mother. The only chapter that I am struggling to think of a story for is Rebecca's father. I just don't have a sense of him really or why he might come around. Suggestions?


	3. Greg's Mother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rebecca meets Greg's mother.

“You don’t have to bring anything!” Greg nearly shouted.  

 

“People say that, but they don’t mean it!”  Rebecca said while inspecting tomatoes for what she was calling a Festive-Winter Salad.  

 

For the past week Rebecca had been thoroughly preoccupied with preparing for Greg’s mother’s Christmas Eve-Eve dinner.  Greg had not wanted to invite her but his mother had insisted and Rebecca had been dropping less than subtle hints for a month.  Greg eventually folded, but he was still upset.  

 

He sat through Rebecca selecting a new outfit.  He listened to an hour long monologue about what dish she should prepare.  He even witnessed elaborate presentations of the gifts that  _ they _ would be giving: a bag for Lily, a video game for Mason, a golf thing for Jim, and a picture frame for his mother.  

When Greg arrived to pick her up, that afternoon he found Rebecca, over-dressed, in her kitchen doing final prep on the salad and rapping about “giving good parent.” Now, Greg just wanted to leave so they could get the evening over with.  

 

His suffering continued during the 2 hour ride to Orange County.  “Okay, let’s start again. ‘Hello, Mrs. Carter.  It is so nice to finally meet you.’  ‘Oh, Rebecca, please call me Shauna.  It is so nice to meet you, too.’  ‘Thank you Shauna, your home is beautiful.’  This is where I will include a very specific compliment about the decour.  Since you were not able to provide me any details about the decour ahead of time I will have to do this on the fly.  However, I’m not worried.  I can do this. Now let’s practice our meet-cute story. I’ll start us off: ‘How did you two meet?’ This is where you say ‘You remember Josh Chan, well he and Rebecca went to camp together as children and when she moved to West Covina he introduced us.’ Then I will say -”

 

“Oh God, please stop!”  Greg interrupted.  “We don’t need to practice our story.  You don’t need to practice your compliments.  Can’t we just go, eat, exchange stupid gifts and leave?  Can you do that, for me?”  Greg was gripping the steering wheel and edging over 75 mph. 

 

“Are you done, Serrano? Do you need some time to finish your temper tantrum? We need to practice so you don’t mess up especially since you will probably be a little tipsy.”  Greg stared straight ahead but he felt her eyes on him.  They had agreed she would drive back.  He would spend an evening with his mother, her husband, two teenagers, and his girlfriend but he would not do it sober.  

 

Greg was well into his third glass of wine when they sat down to exchange gifts.  His Mother and Rebecca were hitting it off really well or at least it seemed that way because they were currently cackling over some story about him in kindergarten.  Greg was just quietly sulking in his wine glass.  

 

“Okay, youngest goes first!” Jim announced as they all settled in.

 

Mason proceeded to open the gift Rebecca had wrapped with blue paper and a very fancy bow. “Holy Shit!”  

 

“Language, Mason!”  Shauna said. 

 

“Oh My god!  It is the new Death Spawn V!  This isn’t out for two more months!  Oh My God.”

 

“Well, Greg mentioned how excited you were about the new one and then he noticed that even though it wasn’t available in the US they were selling playstation versions in Japan, and I happen to have a former classmate who is living in Japan so I just had him drop it in the mail.”  Rebecca made eye contact with Greg and gave him a smug smile.

 

“Can I go play now?”  Mason asked his father. 

“After gifts.”  He responded.

 

“I have to tell Kenny that I have this.”  Mason pulled out his phone to start texting.

 

“Don’t you want to say something to Greg and Rebecca?”  Shauna prodded.

 

“Thank you so much!  I love it!”

 

“Me next!” Lilly said and then proceeded to rip into her box.  “EEEEEeeeeeeeee!”  she let out a high pitched shriek.  “It is the Arianna Grande limited edition Gucci clutch! I love it!  I love it!”  She lept to her feet and wrapped her arms around Greg’s neck! 

 

Greg looked like he was being mauled by a bear, frozen in fear.  He couldn’t remember if his half sister had ever hugged him.  

 

“Greg, that looks so expensive!.” Shauna, began concerned. 

 

“Oh no!  It wasn’t, really. I found it online from one of those discount sites.  It was very reasonable.”  Rebecca was practically beaming. “I guess I am next.  I love this paper, Shauna.” She very carefully unwrapped the small box and laid the intact paper and bow to one side.

 

Greg rolled his eyes.

 

“Oh My!  Look at these, Greg!”  she shoved a pair of earrings his his face.  “Oh they are so beautiful!  I love them!”  She plucked one from the box and held it to her ear.  I was just admiring a pair just like these last week.  They weren’t this nice, though.”

 

“I helped pick them out!”  Lily pipped up while still petting her new prized clutch.

 

“You have wonderful taste.  I have so many outfits that I can wear them with.  They are really perfect!”

 

“Okay, Greg now you!”  Shauna said, with a nervous smile. 

 

“Okay, sure.”  He started to unwrap what was clearly a book. “It’s  _ Moby Dick _ . Thanks.”  He put it on the table. 

 

“I was going through some things that belonged to my dad and I found that.  He read it in college and made notes in the margins.  I thought you might like something of his.”  Shauna said.

 

“Yeah, thanks.”  Greg didn’t know why, but he was embarrassed.  

“I guess it’s my turn now.”  Shauna began to open the box on her lap.  “Oh!”  She gasped and her face turned red.  She was crying. “Oh my god, Greg.”  She said softly.  She pulled out the frame and then got up to hug Greg.  

 

This was not helping Greg’s mood.  It was just a picture frame.  Then he saw what was in it.  There in the sliver frame that Rebecca and spent an hour picking out was a picture of his mother as a young woman holding a three year-old Greg on her lap.  They were seated on a picnic blanket  and she was cradling him in her arms.  The were looking at each other and smiling.  All of a sudden he was furious. 

 

His mother was practically clinging to him and sobbing.  “Thank you, sweety.  Thank you.”

 

“I didn’t -”  He started

 

“What Greg means to say was that I picked out the frame.”  Rebecca interrupted.  

 

“It’s beautiful. Thank you, Rebecca.”  Shauna pulled back and looked at the photo again.  “Just …… thank you.”  

 

Jim opened his present and, unsurprisingly, loved his stupid golf thing.  

 

Greg finished the bottle of wine by himself.  When they went to leave, his mother hugged him tightly and said “I love you so much.” and kissed his cheek. 

 

He mumbled a “love you too” and they left.  

 

Rebecca looked so self satisfied on the walk to the car. Only when they were on the highway did Greg let it rip. “How dare you? Seriously, I knew you were manipulative but, jesus christ, how could you stoop so low?”

 

“What are you talking about?” Rebecca actually took her eyes of the road to gape at him.

 

“I never gave you permission to use that picture. I never even showed you that picture.”

 

“Um, you did.”  She said incredulously. “You were sitting in your living room watching the Dodgers game as your dad and I looked through old albums.  I said ‘I want to make a copy of this.’ and you said, and I quote, ‘whatever.’”  

 

“What?  I obviously wasn’t paying attention.”

 

“Ignorance is not a defense.”

 

“Hey now, lawyer lady! I would not have given you permission to give a copy to my mother and pretend it was from me.”

 

“You were exactly as involved in gift selection as you wanted to be!”

 

“As you wanted ME to be!  You knew that I would not be cool with that.”

 

“Yes, I guessed that you would be hesitant to give your mother a moving gift.  You caught me!  I love giving people gifts that they will cherish forever.  Call the cops!”  

 

“You know what my objection is!  My mother thinks that I meant something by it but really it was just you! You wanted her to like you!  You wanted them all to like you!  How did you even come up with the gift ideas for Mason and Lilly?  Did you hack their facebook accounts?”

 

“No!” Rebecca actually sounded offended. “ Paula hacked their snapchats. Honestly, sometime you are so old, young people aren’t on facebook anymore.”

 

“Oh My God!  I was kidding!  You and Paula are both criminally insane!”  

 

“Are you mad that I didn’t involve you in the decision or are you mad that I gave them super thoughtful gifts?”  

 

“I’m mad that they think I gave them thoughtful gifts!  I have spent years setting a low bar for thoughtfulness and you ruined it in one evening.” 

 

“Listen to yourself.  You make it so hard for people to care about you.  You are pissed off that there are people in the world who love you.  Waaaaa waaaaa waaaa, cry me a fucking river,  you emotionally stunted child!”

 

“Better than a desperate, scheming bitch!”  The moment the words left his mouth he knew that he had gone too far.

 

“I don’t think I want to speak to you for a while.”  Rebecca said in a low voice. 

 

The rest of the trip was spent in silence.  She drove to her house, turned off the car and went inside.  She didn’t leave his keys and he was too drunk to drive anyway so for a few minutes he just sat in the car and tried to think about the situation.  He could take an Uber home but then he would have to talk to his dad.  Eventually, he got out of the car, just to see if she had left the door unlocked.  She had.

 

He let himself in and locked the door behind him.  All the lights were on but she wasn’t down stairs.  With nothing else to do, Greg went to the fridge.  He found a six pack of his favorite craft beer.   In the pantry he found an unopened bag of his favorite BBQ chips.  

 

He made himself comfortable on the couch before checking what was on the DVR.  There were a bunch of RomComs but also a mini-series about the 1919 White Sox.  Greg was finding it hard to ignore the guilt that was creeping into his mind.  After 2 episodes of the mini series, 2 beers, and the entire bag of chips he felt sick.  He figured he should brush his teeth.  

 

In the bathroom he had his own little drawer with his sensitive toothpaste, a comb, some of his hair stuff, shaving cream, a razor, and aftershave.  Rebecca had gotten it all after seeing which brands he used at his place.  He looked at his toothbrush head for the electric toothbrush.  It had a little black ‘G’ on it.  Rebecca was really attentive.  He wiped his mouth with the fluffy blue towel closest to the to door.  That was his towel.  He thought about taking a shower.  He didn’t even have to look because hs knew that in the shower he would find Old Spice shower Gel, Aveda Men’s shampoo (that Rebecca had suggested and he really liked) and a purple puff just for him.  

 

“Damn it!  I’m such an asshole.”  Rebecca was right.  Knowing that people cared about him made him uncomfortable and thinking that other people thought he cared about them made him crazy.  This was not how normal people acted.  Rebecca went out of her way to show him how much she cared about him and he just yelled at her.  Greg showered quickly and then wrapped the towel around his waist. 

 

He could see that her bedroom light was on but he knocked anyway.  “Can I come in?”

 

“Yes.”  Rebecca’s voice was very soft.  

 

Rebecca was lying with her back to the door.  Greg went to the dresser and got clean pajamas out of his drawer.  “I was thinking about sleeping on the couch.  I can be gone before you come down in the morning.”

 

“No! Don’t leave!”  Rebecca sat up and looked at him getting dressed.

 

“Do you want to talk?”  He said in an even tone but he didn’t look at her.

 

“Yes, I do.”  She took a deep breath.  “I’m sorry that I, kind of, went behind your back and gave your family gifts.”  She looked down at the bed.  “BUT, I’m not sorry that they liked them and I don’t think you should have yelled at me.”

 

“I’m sorry, you are right.  I overreacted.  Those were really great gifts and ……”  Greg sat down on the bed. “I don’t even know why I act like that.”

 

“ ‘Cause you’re scared that if people know that you cared about them, then they can hurt you.”  Rebecca pulled him so he was lying down next to her.  “Or was that a rhetorical question?” 

 

“Yes and no.”  Greg reached over and turned out the lamp.  “Can we finish talking in the morning?  I’m still kind of drunk.”

 

“Yes,”  Rebecca snuggled up against his side and rested her head on his chest. “We will have a long Christmas eve talk about your emotional issues and my boundary issues.”

 

“YAY, just what I wanted.”  Greg said, dryly.

 

“Oh, no, that’s not your gift.  You are going to be soooo freaked out when I give you your gift.  It is perfect.”  

  
Greg wondered if he had time to pop over to the mall and get something more for Rebecca because in that moment the Amazon Gift card he had in his wallet didn’t seem like enough.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kind of have a the start of an idea for Rebecca's Dad but Please please please if anyone has a request put it in a comment. I might write it.


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